My Heart

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He comes to my dreams everyday

“I love you”,he would never say

I can see myself looking into his blue eyes

All that I can see are numerous lies

 

I hate the day when I met him

I hate the day “He is mine “when it seemed

I hate the day when I was all alone

I hate the day when he was gone

 

He promised to be by my side always

And love me till our hair got gray

He’s not here anymore to help me walk

That man is gone with whom I used to have HEART TALK

All because of this little tiny red organ inside me

which had a hole that my doctors’ could see

I had no chances to survive through this

Unless some fool was ready to give his

I wanted to be my best in the days at hand

But the more I tried,more they slipped like sand

But I didn’t have idea that he was planning this big

Of course! who would like to be with a girl so sick

 

The day before my operation he came and kissed my head

You’ll be fine tomorrow,I love you, for the first time he said

I was happy that I heard the words before sleep

But was ignorant  that such a small promise he wouldn’t keep

 

Just before OT,he said he’ll be waiting

But then I couldn’t help and said I won’t be Coming…..

He paused me half way and kissed again

Believe me I was relieved from pain

 

I am alive I was welcomed by the sun

But then a dreadful truth I learned

I was hugged by everyone except him

My eyes looked as far as they could,but he was no where to be seen

 

In the entire week he never came to me here

I so wanted this joy of mine to share

After I was discharged  the nurse gave me a letter

He wanted you to read this after you got better

 

Dear love,

I love you

My love is eternal it is true

I can’t imagine the world without you my life

And as I had promised I’ ll be by you in your thrife

 

As you would be reading this I won’t be there

As so much pain I cannot bear

I don’t want you to waste your life after me

you are beautiful,would get a better man I can see

I was the luckiest to have  spend such beautifup days

With you under this blue sky but I wish I may…..

I need to go, I should tell you I am selfish

I want you to see this world,you may think I am foolish

But I am doing what I always wanted to do

So what I’ll be gone but my heart would still beat inside you…..

 

 

 

I

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The Cold

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It was a late winter night

Everything so still and bright

The snow covered trees looked mesmerising

There were hours to see the sun rising

I was on a walk to feel the breeze

But suddenly I got freeze

It was not the wind or the cold

But a man under the bridge ,handsome yet old

 

I went to him in hopes to hear his story

And without looking at me he said,”come on hurry!”

I thought he was calling me

But how could he know my eagerness?could he see?

“Hello sir,what are you doing here ?”I enquired

“Waiting for someone to call me “he whispered

 

“But I see no phone”I agitated

“what the hell is your problem”He looked exasperated

I am sorry if I have disturbed you ,I apologised

He could no longer control himself and an hour he cried

It’s a cold night why do you sit so bare

To see an old man under a broken bridge is rare

 

“In a night like this I lost my wife

She was everything,my wealth,my life

You can’t give u everything for the one gone

No one can escape fate it has been known quite long

 

Believe me sir,she is in the paradise with the angels

She is a bright star above that twinkles

He laughed at me as if I said something foolish

And told me”God is very selfish”

It’s very simple and easy for you to say

Tell me ,if you loose someone close will you be gay

I love her that’s why I am here

I know she is in God’s loving care

Everyday I wait for the cold breeze to carry me to her

This dreadful loneliness I can no more bear

 

He again started staring the sky with wide eyes

I guess it was only me who could hear his cries

I go out for walk everyday and see him sitting there

Perhaps it’s the only thing he and his wife can share

 

Temperature seems to drop everyday

That lonely place hardly receives Sun’s ray

Time seems to pass but he still remains handsome and old

He is warm outside but I feel my heart getting cold

 

The climate thingy

The climate thingy

hey guys ! it’s so hot in here I feel like I am in a furnace or something ….(no can’t say that cause I have never been in a furnace …no body can…it’s just a metaphor you see ) I know you get it but just to be specific …..okk sorry …..so yaa it’s very hot, the temperature is high around the day and it pours at night …equatorial type….but living in the eastern part of a country especially there which was once called a hill station you don’t expect such hike in temperature….global warming  surely…..

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Global warming. …it’s reminds me of the movie’The day after tomorrow ‘ I know many of you must have already seen it but it’s for them who don’t watch movies or haven’t watched this for any reason. ….it’s a movie where we see the adverse effects  of climatic change where due to global warming something ( I don’t remember actually what was told too difficult to remember such things…especially weird terms from geography) reverse happens which leads to new ice age where we as humans can do nothing  but pray and hope to remain alive I don’t know What happens in the end …..I just got kicked out of the room by my parents(actually except for that action of being kicked I was subjected to all those humiliations ….and had I waited for nearly a second I am sure I would hAve been literally KICKED out….you should respect your own…. right. ..no I am not talking about the self respect actually it ls some thing  which I never have at home I am talking about my butt) ok I know that sounds ……….different people have different way of thinking so just fill that space as you wish….

oh !that’s the thing I don’t like about myself I often get deviated from the topic..so we were talking g about global warming  ….ya I wish I could see what happened at the end …but then ‘this world is not a wish granting factory'(line from The Fault in our Stars) but on a serious note we are at the verge of a severe climate change that may take a few years later may be after 100 years or very soon …but whenever it happens we surely won’t be here to see the rage of the nature …so why should we bother…but what if it happens 100 weeks later there is probability to everything but then it’s just a probability you can’t be sure of it unless it becomes reality but they who spend their lives in probability are nothing but big fools……I think I should straight get to the point …I wanna appeal everyone reading this please save this world …everyone complains to live in world where there is no discrimination,racial ism, poverty etc etc but guys to live in such a world of our dreams we first need to have  a world….we can change it ….we can …we alone can do great but remember you are never alone …the moment you think you can do nothing  remember these line

if you focus on results you will never see change but if you focus on change you will surely see results 

…no its not mine it’s someone else’s but I kinda love this quote  …so I hope we all would try to reduce this warming with everything that we can do .I haven’t mentioned what should be done as it is up to you what you need to do cause we all have different way of thinking and making a change …but the result should be same that is TO THE WORLD …

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so here is mine another long poem from my list I wrote this when I was 12 for one of my school projects

The cry of the nature

Traveiling along the lake side

I heard a low cry

it was a cry which had nothing to hide

I went close to find what was it

which made it weep

what …it was a tree

it was so helpless I could see

why are you crying dear

Do you have lots of pain to bear

please help me he will kill my clan

But whom are you talking about

No one else it’s him…man

Really I was in doubt

I travelled more along the side

I again heard a deep cry

it was the water now

she looked miserable and sounded low

what had happened to you .,mother

what is it that makes you bother

why do you sing such a low song

She replied,”cause I am not going to last long”

Don’t you see I am so polluted and dirty

This litter has snatched all my liberty

Is it the man again

Who is giving you all these pains

sorry we destroyed your beauty

Don’t worry dear I think it has now become a part of his duty

Their remarks made me ask

Few questions to myself

what are we doing?

On which path are we going?

Is this what we came here for

Only a wish I want more and more

How shameful indeed

This is our mother earth on which we feed

She is who gave us life

And we are destroying her in our thrife

We have  to save her from death

Cause she owes our each and every breath

We need to save her from pollution

Or else we shall be in the same condition

In this sandy desert

we all shall become mere travellers

Nothing to eat

And nobody to meet

This problem can come to an end

But we need to start soon before its too late to mend

….I know it’s not that great but the message   is delivered and  that is what important.. I guess it s the longest post till now …I think  you need a time out …ok then see you later ..bye and don’t forget to change…not your phone obviously but a more simple thing which I called the world …..bye

My life a Heresy

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she was sitting quietly by that tree

Her ragged clothes and dirt covered face was all that I could see

I being a part of an aristocratic  family

was not habituated to see something so ugly

. But to show how big a heart I had

I steeped down and offered money to that young lad

In a firm voice said I, “take this I know your sad song”

But the young lady looked at me as if I did something wrong

Hey!why do you look at me that way

She gave a smile and said,”what should I say”

I helped you cause I know you are poor

this could help you and your family I am sure

she laughed and said ,”you really have good sense of humour

who told you that I am poor I am sure that’s a rumour “

It’s not something which needs to be told

I can make out from your clothes that are torn and old

Oh !Lord these aristocrats are such dumb

their sensibilities  are so cold and numb

Th hey don’t know that it’s not the clothes or money which makes one poor

But it’s the soul and the karmas of a doer”

Turning to me she said,” you live in the fear of loosing

But I live in the pride of choosing”

‘choosing’……between what hunger and death

Ha!Ha! you are hilarious I bet

“No”she whispered “choosing between self respect  and hunger

choosing between love and anger”

“I prefer to be hungry to keep my self respect unaffected

And that’s why many a time this money have I rejected”

Handing over the money to me she went back in her torn tent

For the first time in my life I found my ego bent

But believe  me I was not angry, I don’t know the exact reason

But that girl left me with  a great lesson

That everyone is equal before Almighty

whether it be a beggar or a rich brat like me

you shouldn’t give up your self respect for a filthy sum

it will only leave your heart numb

She is always in my thoughts

the more I think about her the more I get caught

Caught in the mesh of philosophy

Forcing me to believe that her life is real and mine a heresy

A new day

hey guys my stats are booming up seem I am in demand…..oooo…feels great

no new agenda today ..just few thoughts to share.yesterday morning was superb ,went with my kakima (bengali term for aunt)for a jog to the main road .A new way to reduce pollution has been brought about by  the government  along with the initiative  of a Hindi daily .oh what a sight although I am not good in philosophy but can describe it beautiful though many won’t like to see sweaty people roaming about the streets but you could see just everyone from different walks of life…from a 5 year kid to a  50 year youth(I call them youth as their enthusiasm was no less than a youngster)

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.We gathered around a stage where our ears were enriched by melodious songs of few kids representing  their academy….although I detested the crowd cause it was kinda cheap ….but the best part was there was a trio about the age of my dad nearly 50(if somebody is trying to figure  out how is my dad that old then let me tell you I have got a sister 8 years elder to me …now you can do the maths yourself)yaa so where was I. ..the trio…right. ..they had these whittles which they played along with the melady of the song that was being performed …and they were dancing…such amazing dancers ..(no not really) they were wearing half pajamas and gaurd …kinda in the costume of roller skaters….

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sorry couldn’t get their pictures it’s rude to click somebody’s pictures without asking. ..although I had an amazing morning but the day was not that great as it started. ..I ended up crying in the afternoon.

 

no!! nobody slapped me or beat me neither was I scolded  ….no don’t make any  gusses…I was reading ‘The fault in our stars’….. now stop smiling ….I know you are …I completed the book but was left with many questions  as Gus and Hazel had after reading ‘an imperial afflictions ‘ it’s the book that brought these two together.

my questions  were ….what was Hazel’s reaction after she read the euolouge which Gus was writing for her?was she crying as she could not hug him anymore and tell him how superb his euolouge was or was she happy that she finally found the most precious thing that Gus left to her after he was gone.What happened to Mr van houten did he write the sequel to his book?what happened to Gus’s parents after he was gone did they just got separate(as according to Hazels or somebody’s theory most parents separate after their child’s death)? how long did Hazel survive? Is right now Gus and Hazel together living their love in paradise…..and so many….

I was so taken aback when he died ..I so wanted them to die in their arms although that wouldn’t have reduced my pain for the star crossed couple in any way….

So that was the afternoon the evening was worse ..my dad’s colleague visited us to give me directions for my hell future (I call it so because I am not pretty sure if it will turn out heaven) along with him came his brother and his nephew we are of same age…

they kept on saying how people who didn’t deserve to be in the high rank are placed so well and they can do nothing but mourn as they were careless that time and kept on chatting the same thing in infinite  different ways.The boy was just in front of me neither of us seemed interested in the conversation he kept on staring me as if saying “welcome to my world I hear these thing daily” ignorant about the fact that I was also the victim of these emotional tragedy.Although I didn’t stare him back cause I didn’t want to start a staring competition …this convocation of ours continued for hours …we both were exhausted and wanted a time out…I wasn’t thinking about Gus and Hazel any more cause  you can’t handle so much stress at a time …drives you nuts…

OK I think or rather I know that  after this post my stats will go down again  and this time below sea level ….but lord has downloaded a great app in our body which is called hope it does not drains much battery and keeps the system away from hanging up…hope my system too doesn’t hang up…bye

Deeper reflections

Hi !everybody hope you read the previous post …I know it wasn’t that impressive  but I am trying my level best . I shared about this with my peers they kinda love my idea about this  blog.

Oh I just don’t wanna stay at home…..it’s like you are  a prisoner in your own home ..but yes it’s not that bad  even…everyday my dad asks me the same question  “where do you see yourself ten years  later”(though these are not the exact words but the meaning remains the same) he knows I want to be a fashion designer though the society in which we live or rather I live is full of stereotype norms.he sees me either in a white court carryING drugs and injection  or a wrench …he imagins a suffix engineer  before my name but it’s not what I wanna do.

Many friends of mine who are reading this blog are perhaps facing the same situation ..parents are forcing you to do MBA,CA,ENGINEER. ..etc but you want to be a wildlife photographer or a journalist or a dj and many more…

But if we see through their point of view I think or rather I know they are not wrong it’s just that they don’t want to take any chance with our future .

Today while I was having a very serious conversation with  him I asked him”Papa is making money everything to you don’t you value the knowledge your daughter is gonna gain”he gave a slight smile to me and said”honey making money may not be anything to you but it is everything to this world in which we live..this world won’t ask you whether do you know how much is 2*2 but it would surely  ask whether you have Mercedes or not. So to survive in this ruthless competitive world you need to change with it …”

He is correct though not completely….it’s not the norms.of the society that controls your life it’s your life that control the Norms of the society.the way society behaves is the way people constituting it behave and it’s we who constitute a society if we are rational enough to understand what should be valued over what and take our lives into our hand…we change it the way we want….OK now I have given quite a boring lecture it’s my request to every reader don’t let your dreams to be thrown in a garbage bin they are not trash.If people don’t believe in you let them not .Take this as a challenge and prove it…. to them the moment you think of giving up remember all those reasons that made you stick to it ..just don’t give up for anybody no matter who that person is but at the same time you shouldn’t forget your responsibilities ..you owe them and if it’s your turn to return don’t take a step back.

Try to figure  out some thing that will not even hurt them and you also remain connected to your life so here is another poem of mine from my collection

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choices

I suddenly heard a sound from nowhere

I guess I knew it came from where

The place where I never visited

Because I know it felt cheated

That place is nowhere but my heart

Which has got a very special art

The art of recognising voice

The voice of no one else but my choice

Why is it we give more importance to others

Why is it that their comments make us bother

Who are they?

Who has given them the permission to say

To say anything about our lives

Who are they to get into our thrives?

Who are they to take the decision?

Why are we their main concern?

Do whatever you wish to do

Don’t worry it’s when,where and who

It’s their hobby to talk

But it’s you who has to walk

It’s only you who has the right

It’s only you who can decide

There are many who would come and say trash

But there’s no one to take the blame when the car of your life will crash

Get up be bold

It’s high time you get your life into your hold

Be determined to achieve what you dreamt

Because you only know how much it meant

Don’t be afraid ,be fearless

If it’s required be shameless

Shameless to say aloud

That you want to make a difference and not follow the crowd

Don’t just ignore that voice

It’s your life and it’s your choice

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Hope you would like the post and please don’t forget to comment on it and yes if you have any suggestions and think we can discuss about it on my next post feel free to do so

The new girl in the town

day 2

Hi guys!I know not many had been waiting for this post of mine but at least. ..I hope that there’s someone (even though there’s nobody but thinking that there’s somebody waiting for a teenage post makes one…I mean …makes me feel hapy) lately I am being visited by Hazel grace and Augustus  waters ,they are the protagonist of John green’s book ‘the fault in our stars’

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I was never a book person .frankly I don’t like reading books they kinda suck but whenever I tell my friends about this I am made a laughing stock as it is hard to believe that a girl who is the second topper of her class and is considered a knowledge guru hates reading….OK I don’t mean to boast about myself…it’s what my friends feel(OK to be honest I love they fact that the consider me wise …..)but I really don’t like reading specially  novels but I decided to read this one cause I have heard how brilliant it is.

I am in the 7th chapter but the way I feel about the protagonists of the story  is really unexpected from   a person like me .I kinda feel that I myself  is a part of or rather I am Hazel grace .if you haven’t read the book let me tell you she is a young girl of 16 suffering from lungs cancer and therefore she always has to carry an oxygen  cylinder with her.one day she meets a guy named Augustus waters who is a friend of one of the cancer patient from her support group..OK I won’t bore you with  the story rather would suggest you to read it but I wanted to say that all the time I keep on thinking about her and Augustus  I mean being  a teenager you can’t stop thinking about a guy so well described and called **xy .

Even when my phone rang I expected it was his…no its not a hyperbole  it really happened and if you have read it you know that I am not lying ..but this story left me with  a deeper  reflection  that no matter you are suffering from  a  disease which is incurable and have fallen for a guy who too is suffering from something like this …life goes on. It doesn’t stop for any of us no matter how much you deserved  to live ..and this reminds of my poem which I wrote when I was 13

The show must go on

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Yesterday  I went to the circus with Jason

And there ,I  learnt a great lesson

During the special act of that night

Everything wasn’the all right

Two jokers were doing an aerial act

It was dangerous,everyone knew that fact

When the ring master asked how prepared they were

They said,”we won’t disappoint you ladies and gentlemen we swear”

Everyone had expected a great show

When suddenly”oh”

One of the joker fell onto the ground from that height

It was indeed a dreadful sight

Blood was all around

And then we heard a laughing sound

The other joker said,”what a shame

You little fellow you lost the game “

Then addressing to us he said,”don’t worry  about what has happened

The ring master would provide for the one he has taken

Don’t worry rejoin

Life and death are the sides of same coin

Don’t cry for the one who is gone

For whatever happens the show must go on

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This is what I felt OK I think know it’s too long for a single post  so hope you are enjoying though  I don’t know how much you really are…but please bare with me …I am certain if you are elder you at times would get a reflection of your past life in this voyage but if you are younger then prepare yourself with my journey  for your journey ahead. Would wait for your reviews…